Handicap Spot

I have a tough time trusting people.

I know that Sigmund Freud may be analyzing me after that sentence, looking at the rest of my blog posts, diary entries from when I was a kid, and probably determining that I have a severe emotional disability and shouldn't be able to function in public places without two certified guide dogs.  And I'm fine with this as long as I get to use the handicap spot in parking lots.  Sadly enough, he's dead and I'm stuck contemplating whether or not I could sneak into the expecting mothers' spot without a cop catching me as I'm running out of my car.  Truth be told, I think the reason is really because I've been let down so many times.  Literally.

I'm not sure where I first heard of it, but I've recently been informed that it originated on Tosh.0.  But, I'm just going to pretend that I don't know what that is and take credit anyway.  It's called trust falling, which sounds pretty standard and the original version is probably not from Tosh.0 but from some crazy RA in college who had already run out of things to do during the orientation week icebreaker activities.  I'll explain in case you don't know.  With someone standing behind you, you let yourself just fall backward and hope that you can trust them or that they don't have a back injury from a previous failed trust fall.  However, in my variation, you don't have to tell the person that you are trust-falling.  I could make up some team-building reason for this by saying that sometimes, you have to trust people without them knowing the full impact of the situation they are in, but it's really just because I think it's a little more exciting without a warning.  The people I'm falling into don't seem to think so.

I usually get two reactions when performing this stunt.  If this is the first time I've done it, I usually get a surprised diving catch to the floor that in some cases may make the ESPN top ten plays of the day.  However, if it's been done to this person before, I'm usually side-stepped as I fall to the ground and on one instance in particular, was aided in my descent with a well delivered push.  People are just so cruel.

So, Sigmund Freud, I think it might be pretty obvious why I have difficulties trusting people.  If I can't trust them in a surprise trust fall that they may or may not be aware of before it's too late, then how can I trust them to do anything?  (If you are questioning my reasoning, please consider the fact that I should be diagnosed with an emotional handicap).  And luckily, trust happened to be the theme today for NYO.

Starting with a meeting about the tour details and what not do while in Russia, I received some good news.  After we go through customs in each country, we will be giving our passports back to our RA's for them to keep safe.  That means that it is almost impossible to lose my passport!!  Although, my mother would probably stress that almost is the key word in that sentence.  She'd probably cite the time that I lost my ticket to Disney World in the period of time between receiving it at the ticket window and the entrance to the park.  I still hold onto the fact that I was maybe 6 years old and could not be held responsible for carrying a piece of paper when I could barely color inside the lines.

But ultimately this passport thing means that I'll have to trust someone else and we've already discussed the repercussions of that.  Trying to look on the bright side though, if our RA does lose our passports, at least I'll have some friends to hang with in Russia once we get stuck there.  

Continuing, today was the day where we got to try on our concert clothes for the first time together as an orchestra.  I have to be honest and say that I was a little hesitant when they sent out the first sketch of the uniforms.  As much as I love watching the Olympics, I thought we might look a tad like the USA Olympic orchestra team during the parade of nations (if only there was an orchestra team).  But, since fashion isn't exactly my specialty, (don't be too surprised) I decided that the people designing the outfits may know what they are talking about more than I do.  After all, it did take my mom a great deal of convincing to tell me that just because your shirt and pants match in color, doesn't mean they match in fashion.  

I have to say I think we look pretty cool.  I mean we are orchestra kids so we are already the definition of cool, but I think that now we can finally look like the way we are on the inside: non-traditional yet classy with a sprinkle of funky fresh.  

And finally we had rehearsals with Joshua Bell and Valery Gergiev.  Again, trust came into play when I was confronted with the earlier dilemma of will Gergiev show up?  But, because he was late, Joshua Bell actually ran the first fifteen minutes of rehearsal and although I don't exactly play in the first phrase it was still mind-blowing.  When Gergiev finally did arrive, he just told us bluntly "I'm sorry, I just couldn't get up." It was 2:30pm.  We have so much in common.  

Periodically, that trust thing came into play.  Gergiev or Joshua Bell would make some comment to the orchestra asking us to fix the smallest detail or change just one thing about the way we played.  Are you kidding?  There's no way that will make a difference, no one is going to notice that except for you and maybe the lady with the bionic hearing implant in the front row.  I mean this is probably such a--woah.  Is that even the same passage that they just played?  That's like a totally different concept.  Why didn't you say that sooner?!  

Every nuance was touched upon and carefully analyzed and directed.  As an orchestra we turned all of our knowledge about how the piece should be played over to Gergiev and Bell and they directed us all to the same page.  And just like that, the music we were playing came to take on a clear and particular artistic shape that was meticulously sculpted by Maestro Gergiev and Joshua Bell.  And despite all that we have in common, I think they are better sculptors than I am.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I should begin to trust people a bit more.  Especially those who are clearly experts in their field.  Although, I think maybe I could work on trusting those who aren't labelled as experts in their field.  Despite the fact that, as a teenager, I have been given the keys to universal knowledge, I don't know everything (yet) and these people might be able to help me out with that.  Even though it may cost me a few additional head and back injuries, I'll try to believe that a great deal of people will catch me before I hit the ground.  

Worst case scenario, I get a choice parking spot.