Last minute preparations.

A wise woman once said: "The best minute to complete something is the last minute."

That wise woman is me.

And I like to practice what I preach.  When I talk about having some last minute preparations to complete, I'm not talking about turning off my thermostat, throwing together an emergency kit, or rushing around my neighborhood looking for someone to feed my fish because I've forgotten he existed.  No, by last minute preparations I mean all preparations.  Everything.

So, today being the last day possible to complete anything, I did everything.  

I started off my day by immediately coming to the harsh realization that "dry-clean only" does not mean you put the clothes in the dryer before you start to wash them.  And because I needed two dresses cleaned before um...well...tomorrow, I proceeded to call twenty two (no exaggeration) dry cleaning stores asking one question: "Do you offer same day service?"  Twenty of those twenty two stores said no.  Two left.  Store 1 said that if I brought it in right away, they could get the order to me by 4pm.  Store 2 said that I had the wrong number and they were a restoration company, not a dry cleaner.  I went with Store 1.  

While getting the dresses, I checked the weather for Russia and London and realized that the 53 degree low average for the month of July was not in Celsius.  And so I needed a coat that I could use over the dresses.  (To the Northerners: people in Florida don't wear coats with dresses.  When it gets cold out, we wear a tank top over a bikini.  Naney naney boo boo.)  So as I drove to the dry cleaner, I called my Aunt Kath, the queen of the bargain scene.  Aunt Kath can find anything if you give her about three hours and four Goodwills.  I mean anything.  She was the first one to take Macklemore thrift shopping.  So, I knew I'd be okay.  In three and a half hours, including a lunch break, we found two winter coats, three nice sweaters, three collared shirts, one purse, and two belts for less than the price of a Snuggie.  (You may be comfortable in your reverse bathrobe, but I can go out in public.)

Getting back to the house...it's around 4, so I figure it's time to pick up the dry cleaning.  Great, so all I will need is my wallet and the dry cleaning slip.  I'm sure it's in my purse somewhere.  

It wasn't in my purse.  I lost it.  In 4 hours.  Shocker.  And as I drive to the cleaners, I panic.  I'm gonna get there and they aren't going to give me my clothes.  I guess I could try the dresses on to prove they are mine.  Like Cinderella!  But, what if the dry cleaning shrunk them and then the dresses are too small.  Then they won't believe me and I won't ever get an invitation to the ball.  Oh no, I'll have to probably call Aunt Kath back and we will have to look for dresses at the Goodwill.  But what if Goodwill kicks us out for already buying too many things.  Is there a store limit?  Maybe if I start crying they'll let me in.

The dry cleaning employee didn't even ask for the slip.  Not a word.  She just brought the clothes out on a hanger and I paid.  Great.  I'll just have to head over to the doctor to cure the stomach ulcer that developed from my ride over.  At least I won't have to cry at Goodwill.

And after picking up laundry detergent and a book (it's important to smell good and look smart, even if you can't actually read), I went home to pack.  Oh, packing.  I'm the kind of person who forgets a toothbrush in their overnight bag.  Packing for two weeks for me is like cooking an omelet when you are five: you need a parent.  So my mom came and helped.  So did my dog.  Here's the thing about that: your dog might be able to play fetch or catch a Frisbee or jump rope, but mine can strategically place herself in the most inconvenient spot possible.  I may play the horn, but the dog is truly the artist.  About halfway through our joint packing (which was more along the lines of me launching clothes over the dog so that my mom could pack them), the unthinkable happened.  I realized I needed a button on my pants sewed.  So we brought out the sewing kit.

You have to understand, the ancient Greeks designed the Venus de Milo as a metaphor for my mom's sewing ability.  That statue could probably have fixed the pants faster.

A grueling half an hour later, we were done.  Finished.  Completed....Except for the list of things we have to do for tomorrow.  It's okay, I still have time, my flight leaves at 11:00am.  If I'm lucky, I'll be done at 10:59.  That sounds about right.  Now, I just have to move the dog off the suitcase.  Eh, I'll do it at the airport.