I lost it already.

I currently have no idea where my passport is.

Like not even the usual "Oh I'm sure it's somewhere in my room along with that dive computer I lost and my MIA favorite pen."  I'm not at all exaggerating when I say that it could literally be anywhere in the country, or world for that matter.  I might need to buy it it's own passport so it can get back in the US.  (Is that even possible?)

So, to help me track it down, I'm going to retrace my steps.

Step one:

Carnegie Hall had informed us that they would be sending Russian Visa applications out that we would have to complete.  Unfortunately, these visa applications require their own pictures.  I don't know why I expected that maybe the US passport photo would be okay in Russia.  We can't even standardize a system to measure milk, why would we be able to standardize an international travel picture?  Have no fear, the differences are tremendous.  Instead of the much too large and perfectly square US passport dimensions of 2 inches by 2 inches, the Russian passport photo must be the exceedingly more stylish and precise 35 mm by 45 mm.  Thank goodness, because I look much better in a rectangular frame.  Secondly, there can be no smiling.  None.  Which logically leads me to believe that people in Russia never smile and wouldn't be able to recognize someone who was smiling.  Because I can't even manage to fit 3 people in a selfie on an iPhone, I went to Walgreens to get that picture taken.  A very friendly, yet non-Russian, Jeremy patiently stood there attempting to take my picture as I would constantly burst into laughter and thereby completely ruin the visa photo.  (On a side note: the photos of me laughing were quite stylish and I may have to change my Facebook profile picture very soon.)  Finally, I bit the bullet and just drank a glass of sour milk, which explains the pleasant face I'm making.  We moved to the computer to crop and resize it.  But of course, we ran into problem number two--the fact that Russian passport photos are different than Russian visa photos.  And because that would make things way too easy, Walgreens only has the format for Russian passport photos.  I find this ironic for very obvious reasons.  So, we attempted to format the picture with the correct dimensions of the head and shoulders by using the sub-par Walgreens editing software and the position of the collar of my shirt to determine where my head should be.  It's just as fun as it sounds.

For some reason, I brought my passport along.  However, I do remember sheepishly putting it back in my bag after being told that you don't need proof of residency in the US to get your picture taken.  Awkward.

Step two:
I returned the passport to my usual place.  My mom said that I should find some place in my room that isn't constantly cluttered so that I will remember exactly where I put it.  I have tried this before with my bank account information.  And it was effective--so effective that I didn't lose the information in the clutter of my room, but instead forgot the secret place that I put it.  So this time, I decided to revise the method and change the location.  I took the passport from my bag and put it on the bookshelf next to my favorite book, East of Eden by John Steinbeck.  I figured that this would be a great spot because East of Eden is my go-to book for all my AP book reports.  It's like the all-purpose WD-40 of literature and so I like to use it.  A lot.  Then I remembered that I won't be writing AP book reports because I don't go to high school anymore.  So, to help me remember the new secret location, I've now posted it on the blog.

Step three:
Carnegie Hall finally sent the Russian visa applications that were supposed to be sent in "mid to late May".....on June 12th.  I would like to take this opportunity to point out that one of the most renowned and professional concert halls in the world has procrastinated just as much as I have.  It then became my responsibility to complete the application that night.  Most of it was pretty straightforward, I described in detail my legendary valor and dedicated service to the Russian KGB and why I should be chosen as the next Czar.  Then, I read the directions provided by Carnegie Hall. (Now that was one of the best ideas I've had in a long time.)  Although it was less fun, the process became easier.  After signing a NO-SMILE agreement, I completed the application and printed out the forms.  I got the necessary accompanying documents to mail with the application and threw everything in an envelope.  I remember my mom made me hand deliver it to the mail-lady because my passport was in there and she didn't want it to get stolen.  Wait.  My passport was in there?

My passport was in there.

Found it.